audio review : Walk On Water ( song ) … Eminem ( featuring Beyoncé )

audio review : Walk On Water ( song ) ... Eminem ( featuring Beyoncé )

Eminem is only human, so he makes mistakes. A big one was putting Beyoncé on this song. Put aside her humdrum melodies. A top celebrity crooner with no real connection to Eminem representing him on a song about his own waning popularity makes little sense conceptually. Bring back the humdrum singing; the chorus sounds mawkish and out of place; and the combination makes for a record that’s ironically unimpressive.

The Stan rapper, still my favorite after all these years, reveals introspective worries about letting his fans down. “I’m doing my best to not ruin your expectations,” he writes with a pencil and paper like it’s 1999. Somebody buy this guy a MacBook. But it’s not his verses that disappoint this time around. It’s the corny guest-reliant platform he’s presenting them on. The old (young) Eminem would’ve drowned Beyoncé in that water.

my rating = 3 of 5


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audio review : Lemonade ( album ) … Beyoncé

audio review : Lemonade ( album ) ... Beyoncé

It’s another Beyoncé album, which means a new batch of songs that, as far as modern pop music goes, are merely adequate. She’s been a solo artist for several years, but her best stuff came as a member of Destiny’s Child. Now, even with an endless supply of helpers on hand; Beyoncé has the money/power to recruit just about any producer or lyricist she chooses; she seems to be stuck in a musical rut. Hold Up, which smartly minimizes trap drums for a new age approach, is an early standout, but even it is plagued with banal lyrics. “Can’t you see there’s no other man above you,” the hook goes, “They don’t love you like I love you.”

If “They” means other women and she’s singing to her real-life husband, as verse two strongly suggests; in fact, her bitter sentiments carry on to the next couple of songs; it’s a serious case of trouble in paradise. If that’s the matter, I’d like to take this time to let Beyoncé know that I’m single, about the same age as she is and better looking than Jay-Z. Sorry songs like Sorry I’ll put up with all day, and All Night, for an invite to Red Lobster. That is to say that Beyoncé is beautiful, but her music is far from it. This album, like a cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer day, goes down fresh and slightly sweet but with a sour aftertaste.

my rating = 3 of 5


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