pictures of Fiona Apple when she was pretty ( click to enlarge ) :

pictures of Fiona Apple now that she isn’t pretty ( click to enlarge ) :

It’s true. Seven years is a long time, apparently long enough for a girl’s face to go from pretty to more-or-less average. That can happen in seven seconds, of course, if a girl were, say, punched in the face really hard or set on fire. Facial beauty is mostly just a matter of skin and bone structure. But I don’t think Fiona Apple, a girl I once considered one of the best-looking celebrities, let alone famous song artists, has been the victim of some physical injury, disease or anything like that. Her face, it seems, has simply degraded over the last few years.

Video and pictures suggest she was certainly pretty from her teenage years to at-least 2005, the year of the release and mass promotion of her Extraordinary Machine album. But by 2012, the year of the release and mass promotion of her Idler Wheel follow-up, she was no longer pretty. The difference probably wouldn’t seem as jarring if it weren’t for the fact that she’s rarely seen in the public spotlight when she isn’t out and about, in front of cameras, promoting a new album, which these days occurs only about every six or seven years.

That goes back to seven years being a long time. People age, yes; and when it comes to physical beauty, adults generally age for the worst. That’s why so many women hide under make-up. Fiona Apple is apparently no exception. But, while there are new pictures of her looking old, I think that’s only part of the problem. The other part, and probably the main reason for her aesthetic degradation, is the fact that her face looks thinner than it used to. She’s far from ugly; her new face looks okay to me; but she looks like a witch; not a good witch but a hag.

I’d have sex with her, of course, let her kiss me and even kiss her while we’re doing it. I’d date her and even get into a heavily romantic relationship with her. That’s what most of her songs happen to be about anyway. I’d do it because she’s rich and famous, true, but mainly because she (still) looks attractive enough. She is a girl, after all; a girl who’s not old, fat or ugly. My acceptance criteria isn’t too selective from there. But even while I’m physically with her and enjoying it, I’d know that it could’ve been a lot better if I’d gotten to her a lot sooner.

Then again, while I’ll probably never get a chance with her outside of my own fantastical imagination, I don’t think it’s too late for her to restore at-least most of her beauty. As far as life in years goes, she’s only in her thirties. If she puts on a little weight; something I usually advise against; make it show on her face, and perhaps start taking better care of herself by laying off the marijuana and taking a holistic approach to beauty, she could probably, if not raise my rating of her from a 3 back to a 5 of 5, make herself look pretty again.