[Marcel Lee]

Marcel, man, I've been dating this girl for some time now and it's really gotten serious. We love each other a lot and we have a pretty good thing going. At least that's what I thought.

See, she's been bringing up marriage for the last few months, hinting around the fact that she wants nothing more than for me to propose to her, but I always try my best to change the subject. I'm simply not ready for marriage. Not yet, you know? I'm still young.

Problem is, the other night, she basically told me, in so few words, that if I don't marry her, she's going to go on with her life... without me.

Now Marcel, I know you're very anti-monogamy-love and all, but you have to understand, I love her, man. I love her more than anything else in the world. I'm just not ready to marry her. I tried to explain that to her, but it seemed to go in one ear and right out the other. She seems to have her mind set. I don't know what I'd do if I lose her, yet I just can't pull myself to propose. What should I do???


- "Milker Boy" in Illinois -

Leave her alone. Stop messing with her. Break up with her. Dump her.

While, you're right, I'm very much against the tradition of monogamous relationships under basically any condition, even you should see what's wrong in this case.

She's obviously more in love with the idea of marriage than she's in love with you. If that weren't true, she'd be happy just being with you and wouldn't dream of walking out of your life (or even threatening to) just because you don't want to make your relationship "legally official" (by getting married).

Actually, when considering the fact that the only difference between a couple being married and just being together is the legal aspect of things (the certificate, license, prenuptual agreement), I'm thinking it's not only a matter of her loving the idea of marriage more than you (which is absurd in itself), but her having another motive to marriage than just love. With that, you could have you a grand-scheming bitch on your hands, who ran enough game on you to make you think she's really in love with you just to get what she wants to get out of you (like money, a more luxurious life or even a good daddy for her kid). Of course, you didn't provide me with enough details about her, so I can only speculate on that angle, but it's certainly possible. Actually, it happens all the time. With a little detective work and common sense (thinking with your intelligent brain instead of your stupid heart), you should be able to figure out whether or not that's the case on your own.

Of course, even if there's no alternative motive and she just wants to get married to you so bad that she's willing to not be with you if she can't (as illogical as that is), I still say run for the hills and get out of the relationship as soon as you can. If she's acting this way now, what's going to stop her from pulling similar stunts when she doesn't get her way in the future?

Even if her reason is a security issue, knowing that there's a lot less chance of you two eventually breaking up (for whatever reason) if you get married, and walking out of the relationship now is easiest for her than you eventually dumping her for another chick, that just shows how insecure, untrusting and dependent she is... more reason not to marry her.

Besides, you already said that you're not ready for marriage and that's it right there. Marriage (if you insist on doing it) is something you should do because you want to do it, not because someone else wants you to do it.

Again, dump her immediately (if only for having the audacity to give you such an ultimatum) or see if she backs up her promise and dumps you, but, whatever you do, don't marry her ass (even if you decide that you do want to get married after all).

If you do, knowing that all it would've taken is a "no" for her to walk out of your life for good, you're a fool.