audio review : Bitch Betta Have My Money ( album ) … AMG

audio review : Bitch Betta Have My Money ( album ) ... AMG

The title, based on the album’s lead single, is silly, but perhaps that’s appropriate. AMG is a rapper who likes to have fun. That fun comes almost exclusively in the form of sex with, or at least sexual attraction to, Bitches. It’s an obsession I can relate to, though I prefer the small Booty ones. Best songs include Nu Exasize, Jiggable Pie and Vertical Joyride.

my rating : 3 of 5

1991

Hello Cake Stim For Him Serum

Hello Cake Stim For Him Serum

This gel, made to rub on your or your partner’s penis before sex, is promoted as “a tingling serum for his enhanced play”. The sensation, which isn’t immediately noticeable, is rather underwhelming. Neither is the scent; it smells like Peppermint Patties; conducive to sexual arousal. It makes for a decent lube though.

my rating : 2 of 5

two dreams I had about a new pair of shoes and a dangerous freeway trip

In the first dream, someone left a new pair of white basketball-style shoes, still in the box they were sold in, on the ground at what seemed to be a park. I watched as a group of kids discovered them. I later watched as an older couple; a man and woman a lot older than me; discovered them, unboxed, beneath a shallow pool of water.

The woman commented that they looked “brand new” and suggested it was a shame someone left them there like that as the man held them, or one of them, in his hands. I told them they were in fact new and mentioned for evidence their Styrofoam inserts. The man responded by taking one out and wrapping it around his fist like a boxing glove.

The woman and I began joking that the man; presumably her husband; was, with the makeshift boxing glove on, able to protect her if they were to come across a mugger. He might have even thrown a couple of mock air punches to complement the joke. The three of us had a good laugh about it. I don’t know whether or not they kept the shoes.

The second dream started with me in a car with other people, one of whom seemed to have included my friend Randy. We were speeding on a busy freeway as several other vehicles got into random accidents and collisions around us. I specifically remember a white truck or van barely missing other vehicles before finally coming to a crash.

It was as if were were in some kind of crazy video game except it was happening in real life. Still I didn’t seem to be as concerned (scared) as I would’ve been if that were literally the case. At one point I suggested to the driver we stop or at least slow down, but we all seemed to be a lot calmer than we should’ve been given the circumstances.

Cut to me in some kind of house or building with a girl; she looked and acted like a teenager; and two older women. One of the women was the girl’s mother. We were all naked. The girl and the woman who wasn’t her mother were sitting together in a chair; perhaps the girl was sitting on her lap; as the woman started rubbing on her body.

It wasn’t sexual. At least it didn’t come across that way. The girl was upset; apparently she’d been the one driving; I guess either because of all the people who got hurt around us or because we came so close to dying ourselves. She was also apparently drunk as the woman rubbed her the way a mother would normally do to console her child.

It’s odd, at least in hindsight, that it was the other woman holding her instead of her actual mother who just stood by idly. It’s even weirder that we were all nude. If the woman was secretly getting off sexually, she played it off good. I know I did as I stared at the girl’s pussy lips. How I kept my flaccid schlong in on the act is beyond me.

2023 [ June 14 ]

audio review : Hello ( song ) … Eminem

“My head is pounding to the beat of the drum,” a drug and sex addicted Eminem announces. That beat is the best part of the song. It’s a Dr Dre production and one of his sleekest; Mark Batson serves as co-producer; not just for the drums but the twangy synths and sneaky bassline that comes at the end of every fourth bar.

It’s an introduction slash return song; a cliché concept for a rapper whose past titles include My Name Is and I’m Back. Why it doesn’t start the Relapse LP is beyond me, but, after the mediocrity of his previous two (Show/Encore) albums, Eminem is indeed “resuscitated and rejuved” when it comes to lyrical prowess.

my rating : 4 of 5

2009

audio review : Relapse ( album ) ... Eminem