a dream I had about trading insults with a girl named Eliza

I was standing in a classroom with Eliza, a mutual friend of ours but much more a friend of hers; I think it was Leslie; and several of their girl friends. That’s me in a classroom with probably about six to ten girls in total. The Leslie girl was telling me, half-jokingly and purposely loud enough for everyone else in the room to hear, that she had a girl for me. She meant that in a romantic sense. Before I could even respond, Eliza decided to open her mouth with a sarcastic type of reply. I can’t remember exactly what she said to me, but it was a lighthearted insult to suggest that the girl wouldn’t be interested in me. So I replied not to Eliza but to the Leslie girl by asking, rather rhetorically, “So is she a nice girl or is she a bitch like Eliza?”

The Leslie girl, one of Eliza’s best friends, only smiled. Everyone else exploded in laughter. I didn’t look at Eliza, so I don’t know what her face said, but I’m quite sure she wasn’t smiling. She really did hate me, it seemed, so I’m quite sure she was thoroughly offended and embarrassed. That’s probably why the laughter didn’t last for long. The immediate response of her friends was to laugh because what I said was funny, then they realized that they were laughing at the expense of the person who’s side they were supposed to be on. Eliza responded by getting up from the teacher’s desk to leave the room while replying back to me as she often did after being insulted by me. This time her reply was to call me a “nigga”.

She didn’t just say it. She made a short comment and ended it with that word, apparently being careful to choose the “a” version as opposed to the “er” version in order to put a satirical blanket over what would’ve come out as a racist comment. She is white, after all. They all were. I don’t think Leslie even smiled in response. I think she held a straight face. Their friends sort of giggled, perhaps more out of embarrassment or nervousness than anything else. My reply, just before Eliza reached the door, was, “That don’t bother me.” It really didn’t, despite her obvious intentions. In fact, even in a room full of her friends, I think all her little verbal stinger did was make her look bad… or, should I say, worse than she already does.

2012 ( January 28 )

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